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” When you should not get too informal in your essays, this student’s casual tone in this context would make them really feel extra approachable and a lot more enthusiastic about the prospect of likely to Georgia Tech. What Could Be Improved.

This essay has a few sentences that are baffling to examine:Every part of CS, from conceptualizing a system to executing a alternative, is one more piece of a puzzle I am keen to clear up and affords the most prospects for imaginative trouble-fixing and application. This sentence could’ve been broken up and rewritten as:Every component of CS, from conceptualizing a system to executing a resolution, is a further piece of a puzzle I’m keen to fix. For me, the area affords the most options for resourceful dilemma-resolving and software.

This sentence also employs incorrect grammar-the comma really should be replaced with a semicolon:Exploring this revolutionary mind decoding computer software wouldn’t just involve me in cutting-edge synthetic intelligence technology research, I would be individually driven to make sure its achievements and accessibility. These details would make the essay much more readable. The organization of the essay could also be reworked.

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The college student mentions Tech’s motto of “progress and company,” but does not stick to up until afterwards with an example of how they’d use CS for the increased fantastic. Working with CS for social excellent just isn’t in the end the concept of their essay, so this portion would’ve been far better placed at the end of the paragraph about AI technology exploration, or at the extremely end of the essay. The essay essentially finishes abruptly, so positioning the portion at the conclusion might’ve tied it up properly, if the university student could’ve positioned additional emphasis on how they strategy to use CS to make improvements to society.

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